Stressed...

I just want to crawl under a rock and die. There's so much going on, and I am having a hard time dealing with it. Here's the latest scoop...

I added up all of the bills today. I also balanced my checkbook, and realized how much money I don't have. It turns out that I will be $1650 short on the bills this month. Oh well. I also made a call to a debt consolidation company, and I am hoping to hear from them this afternoon. Maybe I can get this all straightened out.

I have to go to a wedding today. It's two of my best friends, but I just HATE weddings. I never know anyone, and I can't drink anymore, so it's just two hours of dinner and not talking until I get frustrated and leave early.

My apartment is a disaster area. It doesn't seem to matter how good my intentions are, it never seems to get any better. It just keeps getting worse. I think I will go on a "trash spree" this weekend, and start throwing stuff out.

There is some good news, though. My dad had my mom call me yesterday, and it turns out that GM is hiring temporary workers too. I will be going down there on Tuesday to put in for temporary work. Anything will help until I find something permanent.

Things will get better, and soon. I have confidence.

P.S.

So can I just say, it pisses me off that Blogger doesn't recognize the need for "indenting" text. The "tab" key just moves you around in the browser window, and when I used the "space" key, Blogger automatically removed the spaces from the beginnings of the lines I wanted to use them in. Does Blogger not realize that there is a need for indenting? Say, for instance, one were using verses from a poem, say, "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock" by T. S. Eliot, just for example. Do they not realize that when quoting this material, it should be exactly as the author/publisher intended, stylistically? More to the point, I want to know why I can't reflect the indent in front of "I grow old," "Shall I part," "I do not think," "I have seen," and "We have lingered." In my copy of Eliot, that's how the verses are shown. Apparently, that's not what Blogger had intended me to reflect.

I'm such a literary snob.

Insomina+Matty=New Blog Entry

From "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock"
By: T. S. Eliot

I grow old...I grow old...
I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled.

Shall I part my hair behind? Do I dare to eat a peach?
I shall wear white flannel trousers, and walk upon the beach.
I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each.

I do not think that they will sing to me.

I have seen them riding seaward on the waves
Combing the white hair of the waves blown back
When the wind blows the water white and black.

We have lingered in the chambers of the sea
By sea-girls wreathed with seaweed red and brown
Till human voices wake us, and we drown.

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Not having a job is starting to affect my life in areas I hadn't anticipated. Because I don't have to be up in the morning to go to work, my body knows that it doesn't need to fall asleep when I put it to bed. So, though my normal bedtime has been somewhere between 10 and 11 since I started this job last August, my body knows that I don't have to wake up at 6:30-7:00 to get ready for work. It says to me "party time!" and won't let me fall asleep, no matter how tired I am (which I really am). So, here I sit, writing in my blog until I start to feel drowsy.

I'm having a pretty good week so far, so I hope that doesn't mean that something bad is about to happen. I had a phone interview for a job in residence life at Saginaw Valley State University on Tuesday morning, and it seemed to go really well. I was well prepared for the interview, and gave thoughtful and insightful answers to all of the questions they asked, without sounding arrogant or cocky. By the end of the interview, the guy who was running the interview told me that I should hear from them by May 31 and they would let me know if I would be asked back for a second interview. Second interviews are either on June 2 or June 14 (he wasn't sure), and the position starts on July 10. I am keeping my fingers crossed, but I don't want to get my hopes up if this job wasn't to be. It sounded like it went well, though. Before we hung up, he told me about the salary and the benefits, though I didn't ask about them. I don't know if that is a good sign, or if it was indifferent and he was just telling me "in case I was wondering" or something. I thought it was a good sign, that he had confidence that I was a pretty good possibility, though I don't want to read more into it than I should. I'm really excited, and hope it works out. I'd like to be able to stay in the area and I think Saginaw Valley would be a fun place to live.

I did the phone interview from my parents' house, and that is always a treat. My mom and I got along really well before the interview, but afterwards, we started picking at each other about stupid stuff, until I got tired of it and decided to leave. Oh well. I hate it when she picks at me about stuff, so I just end up picking at her about stuff, until we both end up pissed off. Who would have known that two adults could be so childish.

So, I found out what is wrong with my Gmail. There is some sort of security setting in place at the university that prevents me from sending mail from that account to a university e-mail account. That means that I will have to set up a new account if I want to e-mail people at the university. Just what I need, another stupid account. Ick.

I spent the day with Brenty today. It was fun. We went to look at some patio chairs at VG's in Genesee because I saw a couple that I really liked. It ends up that they weren't all that great, so I decided not to get them from there. We went and had lunch at Quiznos, looked for furniture for Brenty's place, and then ended up at Harbor Freight on Miller Road. I'd never been there, and I think it's now one of my favorite stores. They had so many neat things there, I never thought of going in there before. I bought an electric deli meat slicer for $20. It's so random, but so cool at the same time. I'm going to buy a boneless ham tomorrow, and make lunch meat. I thought it was pretty cool, and it should be cheaper if I slice my own meat for sandwiches. Leave it to me to buy something so random.

After we left Harbor Freight, we went to Meijer, where I found a chair for the patio that I liked for $13. Now I just need to find one more, and I will be all set.

Then, I went to pick up Alex to hang out for the evening. We went to the car dealership, and I test drove 3 or 4 used cars. As soon as I get a steady job that pays well, I am going to sell my car. I don't like it very much, and it has been nothing but bad luck since I bought it. I think it has bad mojo or something; regardless, I think it doesn't like me, and I want to get rid of it. There was a 1999 Chevy Tahoe for sale, and they wanted $9,800, but my dealer (who, incidentally, is the uncle of one of my best friends from high school) said that he could probably knock ~ $1,000-1,500 off of that price, in addition to giving me a pretty good deal on my trade in. Hopefully, everything will work out, and I can get rid of the Ice Princess in the parking lot.

Tomorrow, I have to finish cleaning up the apartment (which looks like a war zone), I have to see Harold, and I have to see if Millie is coming down. Anthony's wedding is Friday evening, and Millie is going to be my date unless something drastic comes up. It will be so cool to spend time with Millie, being random and watching movies and all that fun stuff. I miss her so much. It will be so cool if I get the job in Saginaw; she is in Mount Pleasant, which will only be about 30-45 minutes away. YAY for seeing Millie!

Anyways, I am going to find something to run through the meat slicer, then I am going to bed.

No Wonder The Calls Haven't Been Coming In

I'm such a fucking goober sometimes. So, I just got a call from Saginaw Valley State University, inviting me to interview for a position in their Residential Life program, as a Resident Director. It's a phenomenal opportunity, and I am excited to interview for it.

In preparation for the interview, I printed out a copy of my cover letter and resume, which I have been using to apply for jobs online. The opening line states that I am applying for job XYZ, posted on University ABC's website, and why I would be a benefit to their program.

Then, in the closing paragraph, the very last line says "These experiences have given me the knowledge necessary to succeed in a professional residence life program." The only problem is, I forgot to change it in the non-residential positions I applied for. HOW COULD I DO THAT? THIS IS NOT THE TIME FOR MISTAKES! So, needless to say, I am freaking out right now, because there are 4 jobs I applied for that have this mistake in the cover letter.

Hopefully, the position at SVSU will work out, and I won't have to worry about it.

I'm just very angry with myself right now. It's a stupid mistake, and I should know better, especially after Cathy's class. Stupid mistakes like this get your resume thrown on the shit pile, no matter how impressive your credentials would otherwise be. SHIT!!!

Fifty Percent

Fifty Percent
Music by Billy Goldenberg
Lyrics by Alan and Marilyn Bergman

I don't iron his shirts
I don't sew on his buttons
I don't know all the jokes he tells or the songs he hums
Though I may hold him all through the night
He may not be here when the morning comes

I don't pick out his ties
Or expect his tomorrows
But I feel when he's in my arms, he's where he wants to be
We have no memories bittersweet with time
And I doubt if he'll spend New Year's Eve with me

I don't share his name
I don't wear his ring
There's no piece of paper saying that he's mine
But he says he loves me and I believe it's true
Doesn't that make someone belong to you?

So I don't share his name
So I don't wear his ring
So there's no piece of paper saying that he's mine
So we don't have the memories
I've had enough memories
I've washed enough mornings
I've dried enough evenings
I've had enough birthdays to know what I want

Life is anyone's guess
It's a constant surprise
Though you don't plan to fall in love
When you fall...you fall
I'd rather have fifty percent of him
Or any percent of him
Than all of anybody else at all

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Yeah, I know. There's been a lot of music in here lately. I think that I get bored while blogging, so I type the lyrics of the song that I'm listening to. And, it just so happens that I have been listening to a lot of Bea Arthur on Broadway lately. So sue me. It's fun, and it makes me happy, so get off my back ;-). Things may be starting to look up for a change. I found out on Thursday that Brenty has those referrals for Delphi, and I have a good feeling about it. Also, Harold, who is moving to Florida in a few weeks, has plans to start an online business (selling antiques on Ebay), and he wants someone to write ad copy for him. He says that within six months to a year, he should be able to afford to pay me $50,000 to move to Florida and help him run the business. I'm excited about the opportunity, though I want to talk to him about the possibility of working from Michigan for part of the year. Though I think it would be fun to live in Florida, all of my family and friends are here in Michigan, and I don't know if I could handle the weather in Florida year round. I kinda like having the seasons. It would be nice to be able to go to Florida, but I don't know if I would want to live there year round. I guess we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

I got my desktop computer up and running now. It's a good thing, because the new laptop died. I have to wait on Gateway to send me a repair CD, and if that doesn't work, then I will have to ship the whole thing back to the company. I'm hoping to avoid that. Though this computer is nice and I like it, I don't want to be stuck without the laptop. It's so convenient.

I'm going to the FIA movie with Karen and Paco tomorrow, then I'll be at home most of the day trying to clean up this trashy apartment. I am now officially unemployed, so if anyone wants to hang out, all you have to do is call or leave me a message on AIM. There's pretty much nothing going on, other than cleaning and looking for jobs online. Hopefully, I will find something soon. I have gotten used to the idea of eating, and I don't want to give it up.

I should also get to work on some of the assignments for Cathy's classes. I still have a lot of reading left to do, and a giant research paper left to write.

I hope it's nice out tomorrow. I want to open up all of the windows and do some writing. Maybe I'll start work on my novel again. That would be a good alternative to doing something productive. Way to go Matty.

Anyways, I guess I should start thinking about bed: it's going on two o'clock, and I have to be up for a champagne brunch tomorrow before the FIA movie.

The Chance to Sing

The Chance to Sing
Music by Billy Goldenberg
Lyrics by Tom Jones

We’re like birds
Who are perched
On the limbs of a tree
When the time is right
We simply fly away

Then other birds come
And take our places
But they won’t stay

We come, we go
It was always so
And so it will always be

We’re like a flock of birds
Moving endlessly
But listen to me
I want you to know the most important thing

Before the time when we must fly away
We have the chance to sing
Don’t miss the chance to sing.

--------------------

So, today is my last day of work. It's a very strange feeling. My office is completely empty of personal things, except my bookbag and my coat. There is nothing on the desk, I've taken all the files off my computer, and there is nothing in any of the drawers or cabinets. There's nothing really for me to do, either. I have a few odds and ends that my boss would like me to work on, but I have been taking my time. Why should I bust my ass? What are they going to do, fire me on my last day?

I'm having lunch with some colleagues today at noon. That should be fun. I am really excited to get away from the office and see these friends on a personal level. It's just too uncomfortable to talk about the situation while I am in the office.

Things may be starting to look up a little, however. Brenty found out that he has the opportunity to put in two recommendations for temporary work at Delphi, and he put in me and his fiancee. It's only temporary for right now, but they are starting temps off at $14 an hour, and they are working a lot of overtime. The way I figure it, I might make something like $40,000 for a year if I work enough overtime. That would be pretty sweet. I could pay off all of my bills except for student loans, get my car fixed and maybe trade it in for something a little more practical, and save up enough to not work while I am finishing my master's degree. Who knows? If I work for a couple of years and save up enough, I may not have to work while I work on my master's OR my doctorate. That would be awesome. Maybe something is finally going to go my way.

My friend Harold is moving to Florida in a few weeks to get married. I am really kinda bummed out about it. I am extremely happy for him, because he deserves to be happy and to enjoy life, but I won't be able to see him for a really long time. I don't have the money to just take off and go to Florida, so I don't know when I'll see him next. I guess I'll just have to spend as much time as possible with him before he goes.

I'm in a weird mood, and can't wait for 5 o'clock...

...

So now, I've been accused of stealing from the university, and I am no longer allowed to work. I had to turn in my keys to the office, and I will have to use vacation time until my last day. While I was gone on a sick day, someone from the office unlocked my office, rummaged through my stuff, and decided that some of the boxes I had packed (some to stay, some to come home) contained items which I was trying to steal (again, boxes which I had intended to stay in the office).

I'm not so much concerned about the fact that the university is trying to make sure that employees who leave do not steal. What I am concerned with is that no one asked me to show them any of the boxes that I was taking with me (since I haven't taken anything out of the office yet) and instead decided to rummage through my office while I was gone for the day, to accuse me of stealing.

Fuck the University of Michigan-Flint, and everything it stands for. I am utterly disgusted and offended, and wish the shit would just stop. I already quit, what more do you fucking want from me? LEAVE ME ALONE!

When It Rains, It Pours...

It now turns out that I will most likely be let go from my job. Please drop a nickel in my cup when you see me begging in front of the Pavilion.

Don't Worry, I'm Okay

Car accidents suck. And my cute little Pontiac is now crumpled.