I'm Back, If You're Still Out There

I'm back, if anyone is still out there and checks this to see if I am around. E-mail me or something! Hope to hear from you soon!

Homeward Bound
By: Paul Simon

Tonight I'll sing my songs again,
I'll play the game and pretend.
But all my words come back to me in shades of mediocrity
Like emptiness in harmony I need someone to comfort me.
Homeward bound,
I wish I was,
Homeward bound,
Home where my thought's escaping,
Home where my music's playing,
Home where my love lies waiting
Silently for me.
Silently for me.
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I'm still feeling pretty shitty. Still don't really want to talk about it, and I know I couldn't find a way to put it into words if I wanted to. I think I am just feeling overwhelmed with being an adult. I don't like where my life is going; I don't want to live in Florida anymore; I want to go home to the life I used to know.

I feel an emptiness in my life; and I just don't know how to fill it. I miss my friends. I miss my parents. I miss my sister. I miss my aunts and uncles. I miss my old apartment. I miss the places I used to hang out. I miss my old job. I miss college. I miss being in love.

I miss the way the world looks after a fresh snow--everything is covered in white, and the snow crunches beneath your feet, and all the sounds are muffled. It's like you're the only person alive, and it's the ultimate feeling of peace and serenity.

I miss the sound of rain on the roof on the patio at Mom and Dad's house--I used to go sit out there when I was feeling alone or sad or angry, and it was as if the rain would just wash away everything.

I miss mowing the grass when no one was home. The smell of the grass and the vibration of the mower and the sound of the engine--it gave me time to sort out my thoughts.

I miss walking around campus. It didn't matter what season it was--autumn, winter, or spring--there was the ultimate feeling that I belonged there. Maybe I am lucky, Central's campus is so pretty no matter what season it is.

I miss the smell of aftershave on my pillows.

I miss building forts in the basement with Adam and Shannon.

I miss target shooting with my dad.

I miss watching Julia Child's cooking show with my mom.

I miss the feeling of someone's arm around me while I'm asleep.

I miss home.



I miss being happy.

Ain't No Sunshine
Originally Performed by Bill Withers
Lyrics Adapted By Matty

Ain't no sunshine when he's gone
It's not warm when he's away
Ain't no sunshine when he's gone
And he's always gone too long
Any time he goes away.

Wonder this time where he's gone
Wonder if he's gone to stay
Ain't no sunshine when he's gone
And this house just ain't no home
Any time he goes away

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Feeling shitty. Don't really want to talk about it; don't know if I would know what to say if I did. Just keep sending me your positive energy. I'll get over this.

The Glory of Love
By: Bette Midler
As Sung in "Beaches"

You've got to give a little
Take a little
And let your poor heart break a little
That's the story of
That's the glory of love.

You've got to laugh a little
Cry a little
Until the clouds roll by a little
That's the story of
That's the glory of love.

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Well, I know it's been a bit since I updated, but I've been busy. There's been a lot going on, but nothing really worth talking about.

Work is busy, as usual. They're talking about layoffs, and that always makes me jumpy. I just need until July to get my permanent teacher's license (hopefully), so I am hopeful that I can hang on until then.

Harold and Sue took the kids on vacation, so everything has been quiet around here for the last week or so. They will be back later today, though, so I'm sure we'll get back to normal by tomorrow.

Kevin won his election, so he is the new county chair of the Democratic party. He asked me to do some work with him, so we are going to sit down and talk tomorrow.

There's really not much more than that going on right now. I'll try to write more later on today, or sometime this week.

I Am A Rock

I Am A Rock
By: Simon and Garfunkel

I have my books
And my poetry to protect me
I am shielded in my armor.

Hiding in my room
Safe within my womb
I touch no one and no one touches me

I am a rock
I am an island.

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I'm feeling kinda bleh today. I keep thinking about how much I want to go home, and I know that I just can't do it right now. I have to wait until I have the money to go, and it's driving me crazy. I never thought I could go this long without seeing my friends and family. I think about all of you every day.

The presentation went well. I spoke for 45 minutes on women's employment during the early nineteenth century in northern New England cotton mills, and I think the presentation went quite well. There weren't many people there, but I was well prepared, and I was nervous for nothing. Being there, making that presentation, though, reminded me of how much I want to go to graduate school. I really need to get everything in order so I can get to work on a master's degree. I want to finish my doctorate within 6 years from today, so I can teach at a university somewhere.

I've had some other personal stuff going on, but I don't really feel like talking about it. Suffice it to say, that's a big part of why I am in a crummy mood. Sometimes, being intelligent can be a curse. We intelligent people spend so much time rehashing and replaying our lives, that we often make ourselves miserable. I've often wished that I were a little bit dumber...ignorance is bliss.

I'm cleaning house, and it is getting close to bedtime, so I should finish this and get ready for tomorrow.

Let My Love Open The Door

Let My Love Open The Door
By: Pete Townshend

When tragedy befalls you
Don't let them bring you down
Love can cure your problem
You're so lucky I'm around

Let my love open the door
Let my love open the door
Let my love open the door
To your heart

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Now that I'm online more often, I am getting a chance to play around with a lot of the neat toys on the internet. I hope you like the Project Playlist box that lets you listen to the song that I put in my post. I think I'm going to try to do that more often when I post. It's pretty fun. Plus, the music maybe gives people a chance to visit. Not that there are many people who read--I think there is a grand total of three of you who actually look at this. Oh well. I'm having fun with it, so I guess that's all that matters.

Got a bit of slightly unsettling news at work today. Since the stingy taxpayers of the State of Florida (boo on you, old people) have voted to lower property taxes, the remainder of the 2007-2008 fiscal year is now coming up short. Each of the departments has been ordered to cut their budget to deal with this situation. The Department of Corrections has chosen to eliminate all OPS (Other Personnel Service) positions (the part-time ones that are considered temporary). Now, this doesn't affect my job, as I am a full-time employee. But, considering I am still on probation for another month and a half, this newest development has me a little bit fidgety. What are they going to cut next? Is my job going to be one to get axed?

Federal law mandates that our department provide an education to all inmates under our supervision until such time that they reach the age of 25 or achieve a GED, whichever comes first. That being said, my job is pretty safe. It still makes me jumpy though. I really don't want to have to look for a job right now. I have been keeping my eyes open to see what comes open, but I don't want to be put in a precarious situation to be looking when I need a job. We all know the best time to look is while you still have a job.

I watched a movie with Harold yesterday called "Dan in Real Life," and it was amazing. If you haven't seen it, I highly recommend it. Steve Carrell is one of my favorite actors, and he did an amazing job in this movie. I can't even explain it, but I really liked it. Check it out.

No update on when I'm coming home. I'm shooting for sometime before my birthday, but I guess I'll just have to wait and see when the money comes, and when I can get the time off work. I'm a little nervous about asking for vacation time right now, so I'm just going to play it all by ear until I know what's going on.

This weekend is going to be pretty uneventful. I'm going to finish work on my presentation for Wednesday, and get this pigsty cleaned up. I'm going to Vero Beach tomorrow, and I'll probably have breakfast/brunch/lunch with Sue and then hit some thrift shops. There's one I've been itching to check out, and I'm going to go see what they have tomorrow.

MacArthur Park

Oh my God, I love the song MacArthur Park. I think it's a really cool song; but, I just listened to Weird Al Yankovic do a parody of it called "Jurassic Park," which was fucking hilarious. Check it out if you don't believe me.

There's not been a whole lot going on around here. I went with Harold and the kids to the movies on Saturday. We saw a pretty cool movie called "The Spiderwick Chronicles." It's a kids movie, but it was still pretty interesting. I recommend it if you are looking for something entertaining but not too serious.

I got my tax refund in the mail yesterday, so I have just been catching up on bills and trying to get everything in order before all the money is gone. I hate having to live from paycheck to paycheck, hoping for the extra checks that come along from time to time.

I still haven't heard anything from Harold about his last installment of his Social Security settlement. Hopefully it comes in soon, so I'll be able to come home.

As most of you know, March is Women's History Month. We celebrate this month at our facility, and as part of the festivities, each of the departments at the prison is required to make a presentation to the rest of the staff about some topic relating to women's history. Well, being the idiot I am, I happened to mention to a few colleagues that I was a women's studies minor in college, so they all went apeshit and decided I should be in charge of the presentation. It is an hour long, and I was given no guidance on the subject, other than it has to be ready for presentation by a week from tomorrow. So, that gives me a little more than a week to turn one of my papers into an hour-long presentation.

Today, when I talked to my boss, he told me that he thought my topic sounded a little too academic. I told him if he wasn't happy with my topic, he should feel free to give the presentation himself. He backpedaled pretty quickly. I hate being volunteered for things by my other colleagues who say that I should make the presentation, because I have gobs of free time to do it in. While it is true that I am responsible for less instructional time than my classroom counterparts, there is a greater deal of paperwork that comes with my job, not to mention the fact that preparing a paper to present to a group and turning it into an hour-long presentation with a PowerPoint is an extremely time-consuming affair. Even if I stay up nights until the presentation, I will be lucky to finish it in time. Wish me luck; I'll be pretty busy for the next week.

I e-mailed Cathy for some pointers on presenting a paper, and she had some really good pointers. I am going to try to make the best of this situation. I guess it will help prepare me for future presentations of papers when I write them.

Well, with that, I am going to try to get some more work done on the presentation. Feel free to interrupt me on AIM or give me a call...I'll probably be up late, anyway.

Daylight (Saving?) Time

The Outdoor Type
By The Lemonheads

Always had a roof above me
Always paid the rent
But I've never set foot inside a tent
Couldn't build a fire to save my life
I lied about being the outdoor type

I've never slept out underneath the stars,
The closest that I came to that was one time my car
Broke down for an hour in the suburbs at night
I lied about being the outdoor type.

Too scared to let you know, you knew what you were looking for
I lied until I fit the bill, God bless the great indoors
I lied about being the outdoor type
I've never owned a sleeping bag, never rode a mountain bike

I can't go away with you on a rock climbing weekend
What if something's on TV and it's never shown again
It's just as well I'm not invited, I'm afraid of heights
I lied about being the outdoor type

Never learned to swim, can't grow a beard or even fight
I lied about being the outdoor type

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It's 5:19 in the morning, and I'm out of bed. This not sleeping is really starting to piss me off. I may be the only one, but I think that Daylight Savings Time is an antiquated tradition that needs to stop. Even when we get the extra hour in the fall, it takes me a week to get used to it. Why don't we just keep the same time throughout the year, and plan our lives accordingly? What is the purpose of this semiannual timefuck? Everybody is thrown off for a week each time, so companies and organizations are losing two weeks of productivity from their employees for this seemingly worthless time switcheroo. Plus, there are those in the scientific community that argue that Daylight Saving Time does not actually save energy, which is the rationale for this semiannual time change. We need to stop this, and soon. I took a Xanax, and I still couldn't sleep! FUCK!

Okay, rant's over. It's probably just as well I got up early; I have some work to do. It seems that, for women's history month, the education department at work has been asked to give a presentation on women's history. The lady from our department who sits on the committee told us yesterday in the staff meeting that we had to give an hour-long presentation a week from tomorrow to the rest of the staff at our facility on some aspect of women's history, and she's apparently known about this for at least a week. Way to spring it on us last minute. So, of course, who has to open his big mouth and tell everyone that he was a women's studies minor in college and could help on the presentation? Yep. Couldn't keep my damn mouth shut. So, since no one else in my department gives a shit, guess who will be giving an hour-long presentation to the rest of the staff next Wednesday on women's history? Right again. If I had just kept my mouth shut, I could have avoided all the work that goes into a presentation. I don't mind giving lectures, but I didn't want to have to plan a special one that doesn't fall into my regular schedule. Plus, this isn't even one I can use for my current class load. I'm going to prepare one of my papers to present, and I don't even know when I'll have the opportunity to use the presentation again. I'll be lecturing on the mid-Nineteenth century industrial employment of women in the textile industry of New England (as of right now), which is based on an article I wrote two years ago. It's a pretty good paper, but I don't think people realize what kind of work goes into presenting a paper as a lecture. It can't be great; it has to be PERFECT. No room for errors. Why did I sign on for this extra work? God, I wish I could learn to keep my mouth shut.

Other than that, things are going relatively well. My tax refund came in (FINALLY!), so I bought a new TV for my bedroom last night. It was nice to crawl in bed and watch something relaxing before I went to bed. It helps me get drowsy, so I can get to sleep. I've missed it for the last year or so, and I finally bought a 20" TV for in there.

Now, I'll be able to get some new work clothes, too. So, it'll be a red-letter weekend for me. We just need to keep our fingers crossed for the rest of the money, so I'll be able to come home. I'd like to make it by the end of the month, but I have been saying that since Thanksgiving, so I guess we'll see...

As for right now, I have to go get ready for work. I'll try to post some more about the last week tonight when I get home. I have to get to the office so I can get back to work on this paper. Wish me luck!