I Am A Rock

I Am A Rock
By: Simon and Garfunkel

I have my books
And my poetry to protect me
I am shielded in my armor.

Hiding in my room
Safe within my womb
I touch no one and no one touches me

I am a rock
I am an island.

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I'm feeling kinda bleh today. I keep thinking about how much I want to go home, and I know that I just can't do it right now. I have to wait until I have the money to go, and it's driving me crazy. I never thought I could go this long without seeing my friends and family. I think about all of you every day.

The presentation went well. I spoke for 45 minutes on women's employment during the early nineteenth century in northern New England cotton mills, and I think the presentation went quite well. There weren't many people there, but I was well prepared, and I was nervous for nothing. Being there, making that presentation, though, reminded me of how much I want to go to graduate school. I really need to get everything in order so I can get to work on a master's degree. I want to finish my doctorate within 6 years from today, so I can teach at a university somewhere.

I've had some other personal stuff going on, but I don't really feel like talking about it. Suffice it to say, that's a big part of why I am in a crummy mood. Sometimes, being intelligent can be a curse. We intelligent people spend so much time rehashing and replaying our lives, that we often make ourselves miserable. I've often wished that I were a little bit dumber...ignorance is bliss.

I'm cleaning house, and it is getting close to bedtime, so I should finish this and get ready for tomorrow.

Let My Love Open The Door

Let My Love Open The Door
By: Pete Townshend

When tragedy befalls you
Don't let them bring you down
Love can cure your problem
You're so lucky I'm around

Let my love open the door
Let my love open the door
Let my love open the door
To your heart

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Now that I'm online more often, I am getting a chance to play around with a lot of the neat toys on the internet. I hope you like the Project Playlist box that lets you listen to the song that I put in my post. I think I'm going to try to do that more often when I post. It's pretty fun. Plus, the music maybe gives people a chance to visit. Not that there are many people who read--I think there is a grand total of three of you who actually look at this. Oh well. I'm having fun with it, so I guess that's all that matters.

Got a bit of slightly unsettling news at work today. Since the stingy taxpayers of the State of Florida (boo on you, old people) have voted to lower property taxes, the remainder of the 2007-2008 fiscal year is now coming up short. Each of the departments has been ordered to cut their budget to deal with this situation. The Department of Corrections has chosen to eliminate all OPS (Other Personnel Service) positions (the part-time ones that are considered temporary). Now, this doesn't affect my job, as I am a full-time employee. But, considering I am still on probation for another month and a half, this newest development has me a little bit fidgety. What are they going to cut next? Is my job going to be one to get axed?

Federal law mandates that our department provide an education to all inmates under our supervision until such time that they reach the age of 25 or achieve a GED, whichever comes first. That being said, my job is pretty safe. It still makes me jumpy though. I really don't want to have to look for a job right now. I have been keeping my eyes open to see what comes open, but I don't want to be put in a precarious situation to be looking when I need a job. We all know the best time to look is while you still have a job.

I watched a movie with Harold yesterday called "Dan in Real Life," and it was amazing. If you haven't seen it, I highly recommend it. Steve Carrell is one of my favorite actors, and he did an amazing job in this movie. I can't even explain it, but I really liked it. Check it out.

No update on when I'm coming home. I'm shooting for sometime before my birthday, but I guess I'll just have to wait and see when the money comes, and when I can get the time off work. I'm a little nervous about asking for vacation time right now, so I'm just going to play it all by ear until I know what's going on.

This weekend is going to be pretty uneventful. I'm going to finish work on my presentation for Wednesday, and get this pigsty cleaned up. I'm going to Vero Beach tomorrow, and I'll probably have breakfast/brunch/lunch with Sue and then hit some thrift shops. There's one I've been itching to check out, and I'm going to go see what they have tomorrow.

MacArthur Park

Oh my God, I love the song MacArthur Park. I think it's a really cool song; but, I just listened to Weird Al Yankovic do a parody of it called "Jurassic Park," which was fucking hilarious. Check it out if you don't believe me.

There's not been a whole lot going on around here. I went with Harold and the kids to the movies on Saturday. We saw a pretty cool movie called "The Spiderwick Chronicles." It's a kids movie, but it was still pretty interesting. I recommend it if you are looking for something entertaining but not too serious.

I got my tax refund in the mail yesterday, so I have just been catching up on bills and trying to get everything in order before all the money is gone. I hate having to live from paycheck to paycheck, hoping for the extra checks that come along from time to time.

I still haven't heard anything from Harold about his last installment of his Social Security settlement. Hopefully it comes in soon, so I'll be able to come home.

As most of you know, March is Women's History Month. We celebrate this month at our facility, and as part of the festivities, each of the departments at the prison is required to make a presentation to the rest of the staff about some topic relating to women's history. Well, being the idiot I am, I happened to mention to a few colleagues that I was a women's studies minor in college, so they all went apeshit and decided I should be in charge of the presentation. It is an hour long, and I was given no guidance on the subject, other than it has to be ready for presentation by a week from tomorrow. So, that gives me a little more than a week to turn one of my papers into an hour-long presentation.

Today, when I talked to my boss, he told me that he thought my topic sounded a little too academic. I told him if he wasn't happy with my topic, he should feel free to give the presentation himself. He backpedaled pretty quickly. I hate being volunteered for things by my other colleagues who say that I should make the presentation, because I have gobs of free time to do it in. While it is true that I am responsible for less instructional time than my classroom counterparts, there is a greater deal of paperwork that comes with my job, not to mention the fact that preparing a paper to present to a group and turning it into an hour-long presentation with a PowerPoint is an extremely time-consuming affair. Even if I stay up nights until the presentation, I will be lucky to finish it in time. Wish me luck; I'll be pretty busy for the next week.

I e-mailed Cathy for some pointers on presenting a paper, and she had some really good pointers. I am going to try to make the best of this situation. I guess it will help prepare me for future presentations of papers when I write them.

Well, with that, I am going to try to get some more work done on the presentation. Feel free to interrupt me on AIM or give me a call...I'll probably be up late, anyway.

Daylight (Saving?) Time

The Outdoor Type
By The Lemonheads

Always had a roof above me
Always paid the rent
But I've never set foot inside a tent
Couldn't build a fire to save my life
I lied about being the outdoor type

I've never slept out underneath the stars,
The closest that I came to that was one time my car
Broke down for an hour in the suburbs at night
I lied about being the outdoor type.

Too scared to let you know, you knew what you were looking for
I lied until I fit the bill, God bless the great indoors
I lied about being the outdoor type
I've never owned a sleeping bag, never rode a mountain bike

I can't go away with you on a rock climbing weekend
What if something's on TV and it's never shown again
It's just as well I'm not invited, I'm afraid of heights
I lied about being the outdoor type

Never learned to swim, can't grow a beard or even fight
I lied about being the outdoor type

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It's 5:19 in the morning, and I'm out of bed. This not sleeping is really starting to piss me off. I may be the only one, but I think that Daylight Savings Time is an antiquated tradition that needs to stop. Even when we get the extra hour in the fall, it takes me a week to get used to it. Why don't we just keep the same time throughout the year, and plan our lives accordingly? What is the purpose of this semiannual timefuck? Everybody is thrown off for a week each time, so companies and organizations are losing two weeks of productivity from their employees for this seemingly worthless time switcheroo. Plus, there are those in the scientific community that argue that Daylight Saving Time does not actually save energy, which is the rationale for this semiannual time change. We need to stop this, and soon. I took a Xanax, and I still couldn't sleep! FUCK!

Okay, rant's over. It's probably just as well I got up early; I have some work to do. It seems that, for women's history month, the education department at work has been asked to give a presentation on women's history. The lady from our department who sits on the committee told us yesterday in the staff meeting that we had to give an hour-long presentation a week from tomorrow to the rest of the staff at our facility on some aspect of women's history, and she's apparently known about this for at least a week. Way to spring it on us last minute. So, of course, who has to open his big mouth and tell everyone that he was a women's studies minor in college and could help on the presentation? Yep. Couldn't keep my damn mouth shut. So, since no one else in my department gives a shit, guess who will be giving an hour-long presentation to the rest of the staff next Wednesday on women's history? Right again. If I had just kept my mouth shut, I could have avoided all the work that goes into a presentation. I don't mind giving lectures, but I didn't want to have to plan a special one that doesn't fall into my regular schedule. Plus, this isn't even one I can use for my current class load. I'm going to prepare one of my papers to present, and I don't even know when I'll have the opportunity to use the presentation again. I'll be lecturing on the mid-Nineteenth century industrial employment of women in the textile industry of New England (as of right now), which is based on an article I wrote two years ago. It's a pretty good paper, but I don't think people realize what kind of work goes into presenting a paper as a lecture. It can't be great; it has to be PERFECT. No room for errors. Why did I sign on for this extra work? God, I wish I could learn to keep my mouth shut.

Other than that, things are going relatively well. My tax refund came in (FINALLY!), so I bought a new TV for my bedroom last night. It was nice to crawl in bed and watch something relaxing before I went to bed. It helps me get drowsy, so I can get to sleep. I've missed it for the last year or so, and I finally bought a 20" TV for in there.

Now, I'll be able to get some new work clothes, too. So, it'll be a red-letter weekend for me. We just need to keep our fingers crossed for the rest of the money, so I'll be able to come home. I'd like to make it by the end of the month, but I have been saying that since Thanksgiving, so I guess we'll see...

As for right now, I have to go get ready for work. I'll try to post some more about the last week tonight when I get home. I have to get to the office so I can get back to work on this paper. Wish me luck!

Summer Night

This is a poem I wrote a few years ago, when I thought I had talent as a writer. Tell me what you think.

Summer Night

Sun-bronzed skin
cool to the touch
stretched taut and smooth across his back
shivers
as I run my finger from his neck to the small of his back
breathing softly against his shoulderblade

Long, golden legs
entwined with mine
end with slender feet
not much smaller than my own

Arms
thick and muscular
reach behind to pull me closer
beneath the cool, crisp sheet
on a soft summer night

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Believe it or not, reading this poem and putting it in my blog helped me come out to my sister. Fuck yeah! I'm feeling pretty good right now. She took it well. I'm psyched.

I started thinking about what a talented artist she is, and she is also a talented writer. I always wished that I was as talented as she is, and that's when I started writing. I took creative writing in college, and had a lot of fun, but I don't know that I have the ability for creative writing. My technical and academic writing is amazing, but I always wished I had a penchant for the more artistic side of writing.

Anyway, tell me what you think. Leave me a comment. Let me know if you read this.

The Prodigal Son Returns

Where Do You Start?
As Performed By Bea Arthur

Where do you start?
How do you separate the present from the past?
How do you deal with all the things you thought would last
That didn't last?
With bits of memories scattered here and there
I look around and don't know where to start.

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I know I've posted the lyrics above in a previous post, but they seemed to fit with what I'm trying to do right now. It's been so long since I posted, I don't know where to start. I don't know what to talk about, with all the "bits of memories scattered here and there // I look around and don't know where to start."

I guess I'll go back to July, when I last posted, and try to start from there. Bear with me, this will probably be a long post...

In July, I went home for a visit, and had a pretty good time. It was good to see all of my friends, who I don't get to see very often. It felt very weird to be there, but it feels weird to be here right now, too. I guess I'm still in that uncomfortable "in-between" place, and haven't carved out my niche yet.

In August, I was assigned a new teaching post. I took over a vacant consulting teacher position in our department, and my boss and I changed it into a Post-Release Transition and Life Skills position. Instead of traditional classroom duties, I now serve as a life skills coach for all of the students in our program. I go into each of the classroom sections for one hour each week, and give lessons on important life skills that our inmate students will need once they are released. A lot of what I cover focuses on job skills, but I also manage to talk about anger management, setting personal goals, independent living, and other skills most of these young men have never had. It is a lot of fun, and much more rewarding that my previous post. I am (pretty) good at this new job, and I enjoy getting to work with all of the students, not just a small group. I also get to work with all of the teachers in the department, which is a lot of fun. I get to see a bit of their teaching styles, and how they each handle their classrooms. I'm hopeful that it will help me grow as a teacher.

In late August, I registered to vote in Florida. For the first time in my life, I am now a registered Democrat. I told my parents that I'm a democrat, and my dad seemed to take it well. I thought that he would be upset, but he said he just hoped that I thought carefully before I made any choices for anyone when I vote. I think my dad is softening up as he gets older.

I wanted to come home for Christmas, but I waited too long to ask for vacation time, and I got turned down for the time off. I was pretty upset to be spending another Christmas away from my parents, but I think I got through this Christmas a little better than last year. It probably had a lot to do with the fact I had a job to go to the day after Christmas--last year, I was unemployed. I stayed home and watched movies on Christmas, and made a turkey for myself. It was pretty good, if I do say so myself. I can be quite the cook when I want to be.

I'm hoping to go home sometime in March, but it may be closer to my birthday. I have the vacation time coming to me, I just need to request the time off, and make sure I have the money to come home. I'm getting my tax refund soon and some money the business owes me, so hopefully I'll be able to go home this spring. I never thought it would be this hard to get away.

Though I enjoy my job with the state, I have started looking at some other options to pursue. I'm not sure what I want to be doing in five years, so I am just researching my options. Karen just took a job at Texas A & M, and I am looking at jobs there. I'm also looking at a few jobs at the University of Michigan-Flint, since it would be nice to go back home.

For now, though, I am going to concentrate my efforts on finishing my teacher's certification. My provisional license expires in June 2009, so I need to start taking classes to finish that off. Then, even if I don't want to teach, I'll have it as a resource in my toolkit should I decide to come back to teaching, or whatever. Once I finish that, I'm going to start work on a master's degree. I just haven't decided what I'm going to do it in yet!

Well, that's the last year in a whirlwind. I think I hit the high points. Now that I have semi-reliable internet at the apartment, I am going to try to update much more often. Check back; I hope to update at least once a week.

Oh, and I know I've asked this before, but I'll ask again...since it's been 9 months since I updated, leave me a comment if you read this...I want to know if it actually gets read.