Where Do You Start?

Where Do You Start?
Music by Johnny Mandel
Lyrics by Marilyn and Alan Bergman

Where do you start?
How do you separate the present from the past?
How do you deal with all the things you thought would last,
That didn't last?
With bits of memories scattered here and there,
I look around and don't know where to start.

Which books are yours?
Which tapes and dreams belong to you and which are mine?
Our lives are tangled like the branches of a vine
That intertwine.
So many habits that we'll have to break
And yesterdays we'll have to take apart.

One day there'll be a song or something in the air again,
To catch me by surprise and you'll be there again.
A moment in
What might have been...

Where do you start?
Do you allow yourself a little time to cry,
Or do you close your eyes and kiss it all goodbye?
I guess you try.
And though I don't know where
And don't know when
I'll find myself in love again,
I promise there will always be
A little place no one will see:
A tiny part deep in my heart
That stays in love with you.

Where do you start?

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I put in my Bea Arthur CD this morning, because I am working on some stuff in the study and needed something to listen to. I'm not sure why I chose this particular CD, because I go through phases with it. Sometimes I listen to it several times in a week, then I put it away and don't listen to it for a month. Today, for whatever reason, I was compelled to take it down from the shelf and put it in the player as I checked and responded to e-mail and started research for a paper on Women in America. Though Bea Arthur does not have a "traditionally beautiful" voice for singing, there is something about the passionate way she belts out these songs that make me love to listen to her. I like the entire CD, but there are a few songs that always manage to zing me when they start, and it happens every time. The one above, "Where Do You Start?" is one of them. There is something about it that always wraps itself around me and makes me stop and think. I think that is the whole point of the song; it makes me stop and think about memories past, and I never feel angry or depressed or happy. I think the best way to describe it is bittersweet, and contemplative. I think about the times that my life and the life of another have been "tangled like the branches of a vine that intertwine," and I think about how nice it was at the time. I'm not sad that it is over; just bittersweet. And I know that things weren't meant to continue, and that it was right that it should end. But, as as always happens to me, sometimes "there'll be a song or something in the air again, to catch me by surprise and you'll (they'll) be there again" and I feel that contemplative and bittersweet feeling in the pit of my stomach. It's not a sad feeling. I don't even think there are words to describe it, but I'm sure you know what I'm talking about.

I think the thing I like most about this experience when it comes along is that it has a way of lowering my guard. I am usually so guarded about my emotions and thoughts, that I don't even process them. I am so good at listening to others and being the listening ear and the shoulder to lean on, but I don't seek others for strength and support as often as I should. I put my thoughts away on a shelf, and they wait for Bea Arthur to call to them, like the Pied Piper, and bring them to my feet like a cat with a mouse.

They don't come for a visit that often; but I like it when they do.

So I'll take some time to visit, letting my thoughts and feelings sit down for a cup of coffee, and I'll take the time to listen and speak my piece. Then, after they're gone, it's back to paper writing.

Make sure you take time to let your feelings visit, too.