An Epiphany
So, I've had an epiphany. I now realize why I hate celebrating my birthday.
I called to talk to my mom a few hours ago, and mentioned that we should go out to dinner for my birthday, which is approaching in the near future. She told me that it wouldn't make sense to go out for my birthday, because she and my dad will be celebrating their 31st anniversary before then, and if they go out, it should be in celebration of their anniversary, not my birthday. She went on about this for like five minutes, prompting me finally to say "Jesus Christ, I'm sorry I even mentioned it. Just drop the whole damn thing." To which she said "I don't know why you get all wound up about these things."
Since about my tenth birthday, celebrating the anniversary of my birth has been viewed by my family as a minor event, one that generally passes quietly and without much hoopla. While every day that you are alive is important, birthdays don't seem to be a very big deal in my family, and are more or less passed without much fanfare. I've grown up with the impression that birthdays are not that big a deal, and it has stuck with me since. I don't celebrate my birthday in general, and I rarely tell anyone when it is. Since birthdays have never been a big thing in my family, I have gotten used to quiet birthdays with little celebration, and I now find that when people make a big (or any) deal about my birthday, it makes me very uncomfortable and embarassed. I don't like anyone to know when my birthday is, and I generally let it pass quietly and without comment.
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So, on to other stuff. I find that I have been in a really bad mood this week, and I don't know what is going on. I had a bad meeting with one of my new supervisors this week, and she feels that I am not keeping up with my job responsibilities as well as I should be. I wish that I could. Everyone thinks that I have super-human strengths and abilities, and that I should be able to complete thirty tasks all at once. Well, I hate to break the news to the office, but it just doesn't work that way. I can't attend a conference and process piles of paperwork and implement a university-wide initiative and write letters to seventy schools and send e-mail messages to three thousand students all at once. I'm pretty good at my job, but I'm not that good.
I'm feeling overwhelmed. I just want to pull the blankets over my head and stay in bed all day. This semester can't end soon enough.
Isn't it rich?
Isn't it queer?
Losing my timing this late in my career
But where are the clowns?
Send in the clowns
Well maybe next year...
I called to talk to my mom a few hours ago, and mentioned that we should go out to dinner for my birthday, which is approaching in the near future. She told me that it wouldn't make sense to go out for my birthday, because she and my dad will be celebrating their 31st anniversary before then, and if they go out, it should be in celebration of their anniversary, not my birthday. She went on about this for like five minutes, prompting me finally to say "Jesus Christ, I'm sorry I even mentioned it. Just drop the whole damn thing." To which she said "I don't know why you get all wound up about these things."
Since about my tenth birthday, celebrating the anniversary of my birth has been viewed by my family as a minor event, one that generally passes quietly and without much hoopla. While every day that you are alive is important, birthdays don't seem to be a very big deal in my family, and are more or less passed without much fanfare. I've grown up with the impression that birthdays are not that big a deal, and it has stuck with me since. I don't celebrate my birthday in general, and I rarely tell anyone when it is. Since birthdays have never been a big thing in my family, I have gotten used to quiet birthdays with little celebration, and I now find that when people make a big (or any) deal about my birthday, it makes me very uncomfortable and embarassed. I don't like anyone to know when my birthday is, and I generally let it pass quietly and without comment.
--------------------
So, on to other stuff. I find that I have been in a really bad mood this week, and I don't know what is going on. I had a bad meeting with one of my new supervisors this week, and she feels that I am not keeping up with my job responsibilities as well as I should be. I wish that I could. Everyone thinks that I have super-human strengths and abilities, and that I should be able to complete thirty tasks all at once. Well, I hate to break the news to the office, but it just doesn't work that way. I can't attend a conference and process piles of paperwork and implement a university-wide initiative and write letters to seventy schools and send e-mail messages to three thousand students all at once. I'm pretty good at my job, but I'm not that good.
I'm feeling overwhelmed. I just want to pull the blankets over my head and stay in bed all day. This semester can't end soon enough.
Isn't it rich?
Isn't it queer?
Losing my timing this late in my career
But where are the clowns?
Send in the clowns
Well maybe next year...
posted by Matty at 8:50 PM
2 Comments:
My mother's birthday is the day before mine. We have never celebrated my birthday on my birthday, and it is always lumped together with hers.
This was the first year in the past 6 that I have had a birthday cake. I'd like to remind you that it was thrown out before I even had a piece.
You're not alone in hating the event. Also know that you're not alone in secretly wanting to celebrate. You have a surrogate family here (which also happens to be my surrogate family) that wants to celebrate you, so suck it up man. We'll take you out.
I used to have a secret desire to celebrate my birthday. Now, it seems that I don't even want to acknowledge it. Whenever anyone mentions it, it makes me embarassed and uncomfortable, so I usually let it pass without notice. I get embarassed very easily, so I usually let it slide by without telling anyone.
Spending time with you and the fam is all the acknowledgement I need. I don't want a big party or hats or a big to-do. Just a quiet meal (or coffee) with my friends is all the birthday I need.
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